114 Ways to Pass a Drug Test
If you are a recruitment specialist, a hiring manager, a workplace supervisor, a human resource professional or anyone responsible for promoting and maintaining a drug-free work environment, one key "talent" or skill that you should possess is the ability to spot cheating or sniff out "creative efforts to pass" a drug test.
Perhaps you should begin by putting yourself in the shoes of someone on his way to the gallows. That should get your imagination going, desperate times - desperate measures and all that jazz. Pretend that your life is hanging in the balance that your very future depends upon passing this dreaded drug test.. what can you do?
Share these with your team, read them on the go, or print them out.
1. Drink Up
It’s like washing your system. Start drinking 4-6 hours before the test, as much as you can take. You should start urinating like it’s the end of the world. Your urine will be so clear it will likely get rejected based on color alone so you might also want to take B-complex vitamins to turn the color back to yellow. 1 This isn’t a sure-fire way, but it’s probably all you can do if taking a urine test on short notice.
2. Buy Clean Human Urine
You may find these at some smoke shops as well, but if you’d rather not show your face anywhere when buying your kit, order them online. For you to pull this off, the collection site better not be doing
3. Use a Friend’s Urine
Too cheap to spend on urine? Call in a favor. Assuming it is not an observed collection, and unless somebody spills the beans (like your friend whose urine you’re using), this just might work. All you need is a
plain urine collection cup to pull off this stint. If you get caught, however, you may (both) be looking at a felony charge.
4. Use Dehydrated Urine
Also known as
synthetic urine, these products claim to be of the correct pH, uric acid, and color. They even foam, as the first thing a
lab technician will do will be to shake your sample and check for foam. Finding none, they will mark your sample "Suspect Adulteration". If your sample displays enough foam and gets past visual inspection, you can begin to hope. They do test for synthetics these days and if the lab is any good, they will catch it. But if the lab is like most others, you're home free.
5. Use Animal Urine
Please, let’s have a little respect for our pets and leave them out of this. Unless you can convince the lab that you’re a werewolf, forget it. But if you insist, this
pet urine collection device may come in handy.
6. Cranberry Juice
It is a powerful antioxidant and diuretic and will cleanse the body of toxins but it will not help you
mask THC from your system.2 It certainly will not miraculously make you pass a
urine drug test. But a good
cold pressed cranberry juice will at least make you feel healthy.
7. Take B Vitamins
Drinking plenty of water in an effort to dilute your urine will turn it clear. To get that yellowish color back, B vitamins can help. That should prevent the lab technician from rejecting your sample outright due to color alone.
Many of these products offer permanent body cleansing in order to safely pass whatever kind of drug test you are facing, including
saliva drug tests. They claim a high success rate after up to 8 days of taking all natural pre-cleanse pills, fluids and anti-toxin solutions. Either order them online or go to your local Vitamin Shoppe or
9. Exercise Daily Leading Up To the Test
Physical exertion is one of the best ways to drive toxins out of the body, faster and more effective than any other means. For purposes of discussion, consider carboxy THC or THC-COOH, the marijuana metabolite found in urine that is inactive (no psychoactive effect or doesn’t get you high). It is fat soluble and stored in the fat cells of the body. It may be found in your system weeks after intake of marijuana 3. When you exercise and burn fat, this compound is released into the bloodstream, eventually reaching the kidneys for expulsion from the body. Quit the exercises before the day of the urine drug test as you might release a load of THC metabolites into your blood and urine. 4
After loading up on water, creatinine levels in the urine will be very low, a sure indication of a diluted sample. To avoid this, many people believe that by taking Creatine supplements at least 48 hours before testing, 5 it will have metabolized into creatinine by the day of the test so that it will not be below acceptable levels.
11. Urinate Multiple Times On the Day of the Test
Your kidneys run through the night causing the first few urinations of the day to be your "dirtiest". Emptying your bladder a few times before taking a test should give you cleaner more diluted urine, though urine that is too watered down can easily be flagged as inconstant through
specific gravity or creatine testing.
12. Catch Urine Midstream
In a similar way that the first urination of the day is dirtier so is the first part of your urine. So, waiting a few seconds to start filling the collection cup will give the least contaminated sample.
13. Ruin the Surprise
at home urine test can provide results in minutes and give you a good idea what your results will be. Your nerves may be misplaced or you might be really scrambling, either way, some surprises nobody likes.
14. Load Up on Healthy Fats
To prepare for an upcoming drug test, eat plenty of healthy fats like cold water fish and avocado as they will reduce the amount of body fat that is burnt, thereby reducing the amount of THC-COOH released into the blood and urine.6
15. Add Water to Your Sample
You can always use the toilet water at the collection site to dilute your collected sample, provided the lab personnel have not used
instant bluing tablets. Bluing tablets are made for precisely this reason, to preserve the integrity of the urine specimen by preventing donors from diluting their samples with toilet water.
Fish oil has been shown to convert fat storage cells into fat burning cells, 7 and we know that THC-COOH at least is stored in fat cells so that when you burn fat during exercise, you also release the drug metabolite into your bloodstream where they make their way into your kidneys for removal via urine. Again, stop taking the fish oils and all the exercising the day before your
marijuana drug test or you'll end up submitting THC metabolite-rich urine.
17. Use a Combination of These Techniques
Increase your chances of passing the test by using a few of these methods together, like drinking plenty of water a few hours before the test in order to induce frequent urination, taking B-vitamins to restore your urine's yellowish color, taking fish oil supplements, exercising on the days prior to the test and drinking cranberry juice to aid the detoxification process.
There's plenty of health drinks out there that promise miracle cures, and this one goes back over 2000 years. The Chinese call it the "immortal health elixir". Among its many health benefits is
detoxification, which is probably the most relevant to your needs prior to a drug test. However, there are no proven accounts or extensive studies that support some claims that drinking Kombucha can help you actually pass a drug test. The choice is yours.
The internet is practically flooded with information about apple cider vinegar and its many health benefits. There are also many accounts from drug test passers who swear by its effectivity, and not just with weed, but other substances as well. One very common recipe is simply mixing 1 tablespoon of ACV in a glass of water, with or without honey or other sweeteners. They say to drink this first thing in the morning soon after waking up. It is supposed to work wonders for acidity, heartburn and a long list of other ailments, so if it doesn't make you pass your drug test, at least you're healthier for it.
Aspirin has been documented to cause
false positive drug tests. In most cases, a false positive means you failed the test. Sure you can contest the results and insist on
laboratory confirmation testing, which would have bought you some time to do some cleansing first. The problem with aspirin is that it is hepatotoxic, a big word which simply means it can damage your liver after prolonged use or a one-time large dose.8 Please don't risk it.
21. Avoid Carbs
Eating foods high in carbohydrates floods your system with too much glucose and triggers a biochemical response that forces the body to burn glucose instead of stored body fats. 9 When you're looking to pass your drug test, you want your body to burn fats because that's where THC metabolites are stored. In order for the body to do that, there has to be no excess of glucose, meaning you have to watch your carb intake.
22. Add Bleach to the Sample
Before going for your
urine test, you might want to experiment with different brands of bleach first. Some will leave residue, some will foam. You also need to know how much to add, from 6-10 drops of liquid bleach. 10 Invest in a
home drug test kit for urine to get it right. After you have "mastered" the right mix, all you have to do is figure out how to smuggle your bleach into the collection site on the day of the test.
This is a fake penis which attaches to the body via straps. A urine bag is placed behind the pad as it rests against your skin, helping to keep the urine at body temperature. You will go to the collection site wearing this contraption. It is unlikely that lab personnel will require you to completely strip even for an observed collection, so you should be able to manage to get the contents of your "bladder" out thru your "penis" into the collection cup. Good luck!
24. Broccoli, Spinach and Other Greens
Broccoli and spinach are powerful antioxidants. Like most vegetables, they also have a low-calorie profile and are rich in niacin (vitamin B3). They help speed up the natural elimination of THC from your system. Niacin is a principal ingredient in many THC detox drinks. 11
Applying Vaseline to your genitals before collecting urine for a drug test will not help you pass. The labs will still be looking for drug metabolites and they will still find them. The Vaseline you have applied will in no way mask the traces of drugs. All it will do possibly is to cause an irritation or worse an infection.
These are great for detoxification, more so than the juice version. They will not have a direct positive effect on your urine drug test but will surely help in the cleansing process.
To aid in the expulsion of toxins through urine, you can choose to take diuretic pills or load your diet with natural diuretic foods and drinks. Read up on the side effects of taking diuretic pills before choosing that option.
Fruit pectin will induce THC out of your body, but instead of urination, it will be through your poop. This window of time allows you to pass THC-free urine during the collection period.
This 1-step super cleanser is a very powerful herbal detox drink. It is easy to use and is specifically designed to address high toxin levels for people who need to get clean ASAP, as in the very same day. It promises not to cause any harm, actually helping to restore the body's natural balance by supporting all cleansing organs like the heart, kidneys, and liver. Frequent urination will result. You will have to avoid vitamins, OTC drugs, alcohol, acidic juices, coffee,
nicotine and other toxin sources prior to drinking this product.
It is a medicinal herb that has anti-inflammatory, antibiotic and astringent properties that are used by American Indians for a host of medical conditions like respiratory infections, digestive tract infections, urinary tract infections, dyspepsia, whooping cough, liver disease, diarrhea, pneumonia etc. It is without a doubt a wonder-herb, but a drug detox it is not. Some have called the goldenseal drug detox hype as the urban legend that simply would not die. 12
31. High Fiber Diet
A high fiber diet works in much the same way as Herbal Clean or Sure Jell Pectin albeit in a more natural time frame biologically. It redirects fat soluble metabolites like THC to the colon instead of the bladder 13 reducing the chances of collecting THC-laced urine for a drug test.
Lecithin breaks down stored fat that they may be dispersed into the bloodstream. This helps clean the lipids of metabolites like THC. This THC-rich blood gets cleaned by the kidneys which then push THC-rich urine down the bladder and out of the body. From there, commendation is to take lecithin on the days leading up to the
THC urine test for a continuous cleansing but to stop at least 24 hours before the actual test so that there should be very little THC in the urine. 14 The catch, however, is that lecithin taken orally gets broken down too much by digestion that it may prove useless.
33. Condom Urine Bag
This one is for "Masters of Substitution", both male and female. Donors have been known to fill a condom with clean urine and tape it to their genitals or near the groin, to be pierced and deposited into collection cups. 15
34. Pee Bag in Your Bra
When planning to conceal or smuggle synthetic urine for a drug test, one thing to figure out is how to keep the specimen warm. It has to be body temperature when handed over to the lab technician. Women have been known to strap a urine bag to their inner thigh close to their crotch, against the armpit or under the bra. Needless to say, all these concealment methods will be tricky to execute if the collection is to be observed.
35. Substitute Apple Juice
When you hand over your "urine sample" to the lab guy and he drinks it straight up while looking you straight in the eye, you know you're busted, right?
36. Tape Urine Bag to Thigh
Sample collectors are never willing to ask donors to lift their pant leg or to expose themselves in any other way just to check for concealed adulterants, so unless it is an observed-collection
DOT drug test, you just might get away with it.
37. Hydrogen Peroxide
For hydrogen peroxide to work as an additive to your urine sample, it has to be industrial grade. It will destroy 50% of THC metabolites. Household strength products are useless for this purpose. 16
This is a commercial additive that produces a false negative test. It is however not recommended as it drives the pH of the sample outside physiological levels 17, aside from turning your sample a very obvious blue.
This acts in a similar fashion to Drano by rendering the test negative and driving pH outside acceptable levels. The ammonia odor is also rather strong to be masked.
A few drops of blood can provide a false positive or ruin the sample. Though this would not give a chance of a pass it could buy you more time to get clean.
41. Lemon Juice
No chance here either so don't waste a perfectly good lemon.
Soap does result to a negative test. It also turns the sample cloudy, but hey, there are a number of very valid medical conditions that cause
or discolored urine, like UTIs, STDs, vaginal discharge, dehydration and certain autoimmune disorders 18. Even certain foods can affect urine characteristics. Just pick the less embarrassing one when explaining the cloudiness away.
43. Sodium Nitrate
This is a kind of salt that is added to cured meats as a preservative. It is not established how much sodium nitrate is safe for human consumption. Sodium nitrate will turn your urine test negative but it doesn't dissolve well and therefore will be quite obvious. 19
Salt can turn a urine test negative but it also causes its density to be outside normal range. It also leaves a very obvious residue at the bottom of the collection cup.
WD stands for "water displacement", a rust-prevention solvent and degreaser that was developed for the aerospace industry. It took its developer Norm Larsen 40 tries to finally succeed, hence WD-40. It has been used for the most unusual circumstances like when a bus driver in Asia removed a python that coiled itself under his bus and when police officers used it to remove a naked burglar who got stuck inside an air conditioning vent. 20 WD-40 may have done amazing things, but it will NOT make you pass a drug test.
This is an enzyme from the papaya fruit, widely popular as an active ingredient in skin whitening soaps and other products in Asia. Studies are INCONCLUSIVE as to its effectivity in passing a drug test.
Urine samples do not foam when Visine is added, which in itself is a dead giveaway. While it causes a false negative for the EMIT, other labs maintain that it doesn't work.
This tiny bottle is small enough to conceal underneath clothing quite comfortably but big enough for about 60ml of urine. You may tape it onto your inner thigh or crotch. Your own body heat should keep the urine inside warm enough to pass the temperature test.
49. The Stuff Detox
This product contains creatine and vitamin B12, and claims to be effective in flushing toxins out. It is effective for about 5 hours, plenty of time to get in and out of the collection site. There are mixed reviews on the net, with some arguing that those who failed didn't follow instructions properly. You may want to do your own
test at home first.
50. Frozen Urine
It is perfectly fine to use frozen urine provided it's a clean sample to begin with. The tricky part is getting the temperature right, but if others have managed it, why can't you?
Pyridinium Chlorochromate is a common
adulterant sold under the name UrineLuck. They test for this substance so don't bother using it. PCC can be easily traced using
Urine Adulteration Strips, however.
52. Tea Detox
Ranked right alongside coffee and cranberry juice, tea is considered a diuretic that promotes urination to help rid the body of toxins. It is an antioxidant that boosts metabolism and burns excess fat. 21 However, there are no definitive accounts that indicate whether it works directly (if at all) towards passing a urine drug test.
This is a popular toxin-cleansing mouthwash that first came out in 2005. It leaves no residues and is therefore not detected in the saliva test. You should not eat or drink anything after using it up until your
test is finished.
54. Hydrogen Peroxide
After brushing your teeth, gums and the inside of your cheeks with regular toothpaste, rinse/gargle with hydrogen
peroxide for as long as you can manage it (it doesn't taste that great). You may repeat if you wish. Do all this at least an hour before going in to get your mouth swabbed. Many people swear by hydrogen peroxide for passing a
saliva test for THC.
55. Hold Extra Liquid In Your Mouth
Try it. Just sit there doing nothing for a little bit. Consciously allow your saliva to pool in your mouth. That extra amount of liquid will help soak the saliva test swab faster without you having to scrape against your gums or inner cheeks harder.
Saliva tests with indicators will show you enough oral fluid is collected.
56. Keep a Penny In Your Mouth
No, the penny will not make you pass the test. The idea is that if you have something in your mouth, it will trigger saliva production resulting in a diluted sample. It can be a little tricky especially if the collector asks to inspect your mouth. By the way, you might want to sterilize that penny first.
57. Hold Swab Away From Glands
See if you can get away with simply holding it between your teeth to keep it from touching your salivary glands directly. You may not get an outright negative result but it's better than a definite positive.
58. Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Instant saliva tests can give you your results in minutes and are easy to use. You can even practice where you plan on putting the swab if you have any tricks up your sleeve.
59. Coat the Inside of Your Mouth with Vaseline
The idea is to keep saliva from coating the test swab when you put it in your mouth. Apparently, it has no taste so you should not find it too unpleasant. However, there are no studies that will prove whether it can help you pass your
test or not.
60. Induce Vomiting
That mixture of stomach acid and whatever you had for lunch will definitely disrupt the test, but you won't look very innocent trying to gag yourself with the collection swab. Good luck finding an excuse for that.
61. Bite Your Tongue
Much like with urine testing, blood can ruin the sample or even cause a false positive. This won't help you pass but could buy you time if you're super close to being clean.
62. Chew Gum
Much like with urine testing, blood can ruin the sample or even cause a false positive. This won't help you pass but could buy you time if you're super close to being clean.
This saliva neutralizing gum promises to work within 30 seconds clearing your saliva of all toxins and to stay effective for up to 30 minutes. Allow liquid to spread in the mouth for entire 30 seconds that you are chewing the gum. DO NOT SWALLOW!
64. Chew Ice
Now, this is a refreshing way to keep your mouth wet and to dilute your saliva. It helps reduce the concentration of drug metabolites in your sample, hopefully enough to be below
detectable drug cutoff levels.
65. Altoid Mints
This is believed to work much like chewing gum or ice. It stimulates saliva production so that the sample you produce for the test is diluted. There are no guarantees. 22
An hour before your saliva
test, eat something fatty or greasy. Fats will help hasten the absorption of drug metabolites, lowering their concentration in your mouth. 23 Yes, McDonald's might help you pass a drug test.
67. Drink or Gargle Vinegar
Vinegar is believed to change the pH or acidity level in the mouth 24 such that it may successfully throw off a saliva drug test, but apart from all the personal accounts attesting to the same, there is no evidence that drinking or gargling with vinegar will help you pass a saliva drug test. 25
You met someone on your way to the collection site. You couldn't help yourself. That person most definitely transferred drug metabolites to your mouth.
69. You are Suffering from Tetanus
Your jaws are locked shut and you cannot open your mouth to collect saliva. You are explaining all these via sign language. If the lab person calls 911 in an effort to save your life, play along.
70. Fake Blood
Look up fake blood recipes on the net, make your own and send that in for your blood test. You know it won't work, but you do it anyway because you're squeamish and cannot stand the look and smell of your own blood. Besides, it just might earn you enough time to detox enough to go for a real test.
Claim to be an upcoming boxing star. Do a Manny Pacquiao and say you cannot possibly have your blood drawn 30 days before AND up to 30 days after a fight. Of course, this is stretching it a tiny bit but if you can get Freddie Roach to back your claim then you're scot-free. Now use your 60 days to get clean!
72. Starve Yourself
Bodybuilders begin staying off carbs about a week before going on stage for competition. Within 5 days they are looking small and flat. By day 6, they begin eating carbs again but slowly dehydrate as well. By doing this they are depleting the muscle cells of glycogen so that when they start carb loading again just before the competition, the cells begin to fill out by soaking in all the glycogen. And because they are also dehydrated they will pull water from wherever they can get it, subcutaneous water included. By taking water from the skin, it will appear tight and the veins will pop out. 26 All you really need to take away from this is that you can make your veins "shrink" so they are harder to find for your blood test, and then you can make them pop back out afterward.
73. Claim to Have Typanophobia
An extreme fear of needles, everyone has it a little, and if you can get a collector to feel sorry for you maybe they will schedule you for a
different kind of test. The key is tears, lots of tears.
Hair detox shampoo products are specifically designed to penetrate deeply into hair strands to remove all traces of accumulated chemical deposits including drug metabolites.
75. Send Fake Hair
Remember those terrible extensions you bought on a whim? Well, they can finally be put to use. Just hope that the lab doesn't test it because it won't work.
76. Time for a Shave
Nobody can hair test you if there is no hair to test. Just remember that body hair is able to be tested too, so you better get busy shaving.
77. Get Yourself Infected with Head Lice
Remember your nephew's kindergarten class that got infested? See if you can track that down on short notice; or don't, you know because lice is gross.
78. Wear a Wig
You will be amazed at the quality of wigs these days. Choose human hair wigs, of course. The cheapest will only set you back around $100 and if you fail the test (which you most certainly will), then at least you can have a different look for a while.
Visit a pet grooming salon and offer to dispose of all the dog hairs. Say you are donating the hair to the United Nations for their efforts to clean up oil spills. Of course, you have no idea what the lab will make of your hair sample, but you can worry about that later. For now, you have to rest your brain cells as you are positively exhausted from coming up with this brilliant idea.
80. Hair Treatment
There are so many hair treatments available these days. Treatments to keep the frizz out, to help your hair hang straight down your back, to give that wonderful shine etc. All these procedures require the use of various chemicals, chemicals that can very well throw off the
hair drug tests and quite possibly help you pass.
81. Hair Test Yourself
There are not instant hair tests, but if you have more than a week to prepare it may be good to get a set of expectations.
HairConfirm walks you through the process and allows you to lab test yourself. You may have nothing to fear.
82. Bleach Hair
You will be glad to learn that this procedure will remove 40-80% of drug metabolites from the hair strand. Perhaps it will not be as surprising then if there are more blonds than brunettes or redheads during sample collection.
83. Hair Relaxers
There are many accounts of how they successfully passed their
drug tests after using hair relaxers, at the same time warning others how it can fry your hair if you overdo it. It is up to you to weigh your options, fried hair or failed test? Fried hair or failed test? Hmmn. Remember you still have that wig from #78?
84. Baking Soda Home Remedy
If you search diligently enough, you will find baking soda recipes to use on your hair in preparation for a drug test. Those who used them swear by their effectivity. Check that the other ingredients are regular household items and harmless enough for your use.
There are many products that claim to be able to rid traces of drugs from your fingernails and/or toenails. They promise passing results and even offer
100% Money Back Guarantee. That's good to know. If you fail the test you can at least get your money back.
It is claimed that the acids help break down the drug metabolite deposits in your fingernails that if you do it enough times before your nail drug test, most if not all traces of said metabolites will have been reduced to such minuscule amounts that they won't show up in your test. It sounds like it makes sense but without any actual scientific back-up, you cannot be sure it will help at all other than giving you fabulous, fungus-free fingernails.
87. Clench Fists and Claim to Have Severe Arthritis
Surely if you are in pain, the sample collector will not force your fingers open? Perhaps they will feel sorry for you that they will offer a
urine test instead?
88. Wear Clear Nail Polish
Try to remove the shine a bit to make it less obvious. They will ask you to clip your nails yourself and to gently shave off the surface. The chemicals in the polish will surely affect the results.
89. Spray Chemicals on Nails
They will ask you to wash your hands before clipping your nails in front of them, so some of what you sprayed on will probably be rinsed off. If you get away with not washing beforehand, they will most assuredly find what they're looking for but hopefully, the results will be messed up enough to be inconclusive.
90. Don't Use Drugs
Well, if you're already on the verge of an anxiety attack over an upcoming drug test, it is probably too late to even consider this now, so - move on to the next and see how you fare.
91. Natural Detox
This will only work if you have time on your hands. Check out the average drug detection times for different substances and see if you have enough time to sufficiently flush out all traces of the drug from your system. Try natural ways to
detox your body. You might discover that you actually like taking care of yourself. Make it a habit, and then you wouldn't have to worry about another drug test ever again.
What are the chances the
sample collector will bungle the procedure or that the testing equipment will actually suffer a glitch? If you haven't prayed much lately, now's probably the time to do it, and do it hard. Prostrate yourself if you have to!
93. Blame the Result on a Harmless Substance
Won't it be just sweet to be able to blame a positive result on something that's totally plausible 27 like having taken Midol because of terrible, terrible menstrual cramps? Obviously, if you're male you may have a more difficult time pulling this off, but whichever gender you may be, you will be glad for this list of substances
that can cause false positives on a drug test.
If praying doesn't work, turn your great grandma's attic upside down and look for a magic lamp. That should give you 3 wishes, good for 3 drug tests at least.
95. Claim Religious Practices
Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution guarantees the right to exercise one's religious beliefs and practices. 28 For example, the
use of cannabis as an entheogen in many religions goes as far back as the 2nd millennium B.C. 29 An entheogen is a chemical substance that is used in a spiritual, shamanic or religious context. 30
While all the meditative breathing may clear your mind, it may not actually help you pass the drug
test, but all the sweating might!
Bikram Yoga, for example, has been touted as the best
yoga 31 the world has ever known for it makes you sweat like a pig! Enough to rid your body of toxins.
The "Purif" or Purification Rundown is a (controversial) detoxification program that purportedly rids your body of the long-term effects of drug use. This program includes 1) jogging for an hour each day in a rubberized suit, 2) chilling-out in a sauna for up to 5 hours each day for 5 weeks, 3) going on a restricted diet and 4) plying your body with vitamins and other dietary supplements. 32 Of course, #1 and #2 just might squeeze you dry until you turn into a prune, but if you don't then you get the distinction of becoming the poster boy/girl for the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you pass
a drug test".
98. Fake ID
Send someone else to take the test for you, complete with all necessary IDs. Of course, you may become a victim of identity theft later on, but hey you passed your drug test this time, right?
99. You're Just a Victim
Claim that you haven't eaten in a week and someone was kind enough to give you a (bad) brownie and a (spiked) drink. You believed it was out of the goodness of their heart. Go as far as to say you may have lost your faith in humanity. If you can get a few tears to fall, all the better.
100. Create a Distraction
This is what B-movies are made of. Trip the fire alarm or pay a flash mob of gorgeous bodybuilders to pull a Magic Mike number. In all the (drooling) confusion you just might end up passing the test. Whatever you do, NEVER EVER drop a "bomb joke". You may pass
your drug test but get arrested in the process.
101. Drop and Break the Test
If you really want to go there, no one's stopping you but you will surely end up paying for another test to replace the one you broke, out of your own pocket.
Invoke the power of this spell to nullify the effects of whatever substance you have recently taken. Bring your own blood sample and mention to the lab technician that it was extracted by Mystic Falls Phlebotomy Services, owned and operated by the Salvatore brothers. Only works if you REALLY believe!
103. You're Clean, PERIOD!
Muster the appropriate level of righteous indignation when claiming that you've never done drugs so there is absolutely no need to test.
Learn this art. Or is it a science? You can will your HR person to simply not send you for the drug test or will the lab personnel into making you pass the test. Just promise that once you've mastered this skill, you will only ever use your abilities to pass your drug tests and never to rob a bank or get someone to marry you. Scout's honor!
105. Have a Friend on the Inside
If you and the HR manager are as thick as thieves, then you probably have got it made. No drug tests for you anytime soon. While you're at it, get to know someone who works in a
drug testing lab and have all your tests done there in the future.
106. Plan a Heist
Break into the lab to steal your sample Mission Impossible-style. It might be a good idea to steal quite a few more, to make it less obvious who was behind it! Cops are rather smart fellows, you know.
107. Wrong Sample
Submit a urine sample when you were explicitly told to send saliva or blood. Of course, they can simply use the appropriate test for the sample that you sent, but then again they might not. You bought yourself some time, at least.
108. Get Your Twin to Take the Test
You might actually get away with it, especially if you have an identical twin. 33 Now, on the off chance that you two get caught, depending on what the drug testwas for, you may be looking at a felony charge.
109. Follow Instructions (NOT)
At least not so strictly. For example, if you are supposed to keep the mouth swab in one spot under the tongue, go right ahead and move it around inside your mouth - against your cheeks, on your tongue, on your gums, brush your teeth with it if you like (just don't let the lab guy see you). Remember your objective is to mess with the test enough so that you get a result that's negative or at least inconclusive.
In the not so distant past, prolonged exposure to
tobacco and pot smoke has been reported to trigger positive drug tests for THC. While claiming so doesn't work anymore, you're welcome to try.
111. Dodge the Test
Lance Armstrong did it for years without getting caught. Even the final case against him that ended his illustrious career never had any definitive failed
steroid tests. 34 The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) accused Armstrong of the following
doping practices: EPO, blood transfusions, testosterone injections, HGH, corticosteroids and saline and plasma transfusions. He also had a team of doctors that the USADA likewise accused of conspiring to help him cover it all up.
Get some wiz kid to hack into the lab's results database to alter your test results before they get sent out to you and reported to your employer. Pray that your wiz kid doesn't get caught, though. Kids can easily be made to sing like a canary.
Ionized alkaline water is said to have smaller molecule clusters that they are able to penetrate cells and tissues at a much faster rate. THC-COOH is also more soluble in alkaline water than in ordinary tap water. All these make flushing THC from the system much faster as well.
114. Test Yourself at Home
home drug test will give you a better idea what detox measures to take and if you have the time to take them. Who knows, maybe that brownie at that party was just REALLY good and you have nothing to worry about. Except tracking down said brownie baker and getting that recipe.