If you are a recruitment specialist, a hiring manager, a workplace supervisor, a human resource professional or anyone responsible for promoting and maintaining a drug-free work environment, one key "talent" or skill that you should possess is the ability to spot cheating or sniff out "creative efforts to pass" a drug test.
Perhaps you should begin by putting yourself in the shoes of someone on his way to the gallows. That should get your imagination going, desperate times - desperate measures and all that jazz. Pretend that your life is hanging in the balance that your very future depends upon passing this dreaded drug test.. what can you do?
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Urine Drug Testing
1. Drink Up
It’s like washing your system. Start drinking 4-6 hours before the test, as much as you can take. You should start urinating like it’s the end of the world. Your urine will be so clear it will likely get rejected based on color alone so you might also want to take B-complex vitamins to turn the color back to yellow.1This isn’t a sure-fire way but it’s probably all you can do on short notice.
2.Buy Clean Human Urine
You may find these at some smoke shops as well, but if you’d rather not show your face anywhere when buying your kit, order them online. For you to pull this off, the collection site better not be doing observed collections.
3. Use a Friend’s Urine
Too cheap to spend on urine? Call in a favor. Assuming it is not an observed collection, and unless somebody spills the beans (like your friend whose urine you’re using), this just might work. If you get caught however, you may (both) be looking at a felony charge.
4. Use Dehydrated Urine
Also known assynthetic urinethese products claim to be of the correct pH, uric acid and color. They even foam, as the first thing a lab technician will do will be to shake your sample and check for foam. Finding none, they will mark your sample "Suspect Adulteration". If your sample displays enough foam and gets past visual inspection, you can begin to hope. They do test for synthetics these days and if the lab is any good, they will catch it. But if the lab is like most others, you're home free.
5. Use Animal Urine
Please, let’s have a little respect for our pets and leave them out of this. Unless you can convince the lab that you’re a werewolf, forget it. But if you insist, thispet urine collection devicemay come in handy.
6. Cranberry Juice
It is a powerful antioxidant and diuretic and will cleanse the body of toxins but it will not help you mask THC from your system.2It certainly will not miraculously make you pass a urine drug test. But a goodcold pressed cranberry juicewill at least make you feel healthy.
7. Take B Vitamins
Drinking plenty of water in an effort to dilute your urine will turn it clear. To get that yellowish color back, B vitamins can help. That should prevent the lab technician from rejecting your sample outright due to color alone.
Many of these products offer permanent body cleansing in order to safely pass whatever kind ofdrug testyou are facing. They claim a high success rate after up to 8 days of taking all natural pre-cleanse pills, fluids and anti-toxin solutions. Either order them online or go to your localVitamin ShoppeorGNC
9. Exercise Daily Leading Up To the Test
Physical exertion is one of the best ways to drive toxins out of the body, faster and more effective than any other means. For purposes of discussion, consider carboxy THC orTHC-COOH, the marijuana metabolite found in urine that is inactive (no psychoactive effect or doesn’t get you high). It is fat soluble and stored in the fat cells of the body. It may be found in your system weeks after intake of marijuana3. When you exercise and burn fat, this compound is released into the bloodstream, eventually reaching the kidneys for expulsion from the body. Quit the exercises before the day of the drug test as you might release a load ofTHC metabolitesinto your blood and urine.4
After loading up on water, creatinine levels in the urine will be very low, a sure indication of a diluted sample. To avoid this, many people believe that by takingCreatine supplementsat least 48 hours before testing,5it will have metabolized into creatinine by the day of the test so that it will not be below acceptable levels.
11. Urinate Multiple Times On the Day of the Test
Your kidneys run through the night causing the first few urinations of the day to be your "dirtiest". Emptying your bladder a few times before taking a test should give you cleaner more diluted urine, though urine that is too watered down can easily be flagged as inconstant through specific gravity or creatine testing.
12. Catch Urine Midstream
In a similar way that the first urination of the day are dirtier so is the first part of your urine. So, waiting a few seconds to start filling the collection cup will give the least contaminated sample.
13. Ruin the Surprise
Aninstant at home urine testcan provide results in minutes and give you a good idea what your results will be. Your nerves may be misplaced or you might be really scrambling, either way some surprises nobody likes.
14. Load Up on Healthy Fats
To prepare for an upcoming drug test, eat plenty ofhealthy fatslike cold water fish and avocado as they will reduce the amount of body fat that is burnt, thereby reducing the amount ofTHC-COOHreleased into the blood and urine.6
15. Add Water to Your Sample
You can always use the toilet water at the collection site to dilute your collected sample, provided the lab personnel have not usedinstant bluing tablets. Bluing tablets are made for precisely this reason, to preserve the integrity of the urine specimen by preventing donors from diluting their samples with toilet water.
Fish oilhas been shown to convert fat storage cells into fat burning cells,7and we know thatTHC-COOHat least is stored in fat cells, so that when you burn fat during exercise, you also release the drug metabolite into your blood stream where they make their way into your kidneys for removal via urine. Again, stop taking the fish oils and all the exercising the day before yourdrug testor you'll end up submitting THC metabolite-rich urine.
17. Use a Combination of These Techniques
Increase your chances of passing the test by using a few of these methods together, like drinking plenty of water a few hours before the test in order to induce frequent urination, taking B-vitamins to restore your urine's yellowish color, takingfish oil supplements, exercising on the days prior to the test and drinking cranberry juice to aid thedetoxificationprocess.
There's plenty of health drinks out there that promise miracle cures, and this one goes back over 2000 years. The Chinese call it the "immortal health elixir". Among its many health benefits isdetoxification, which is probably the most relevant to your needs prior to a drug test. However, there are no proven accounts or extensive studies that support some claims that drinking Kombucha can help you actuallypass a drug test. The choice is yours.
The internet is practically flooded with information aboutapple cider vinegarand its many health benefits. There are also many accounts from drug test passers who swear by its effectivity, and not just with weed, but other substances as well. One very common recipe is simply mixing 1 tablespoon of ACV in a glass of water, with or without honey or other sweeteners. They say to drink this first thing in the morning soon after waking up. It is supposed to work wonders for acidity, heartburn and a long list of other ailments, so if it doesn't make youpass your drug test, at least you're healthier for it.
Aspirin has been documented to causefalse positive drug tests. In most cases, afalse positivemeans you failed the test. Sure you can contest the results and insist on a re-test, which would have bought you some time to do some cleansing first. The problem with aspirin is that it is hepatotoxic, a big word which simply means it can damage your liver after prolonged use or a one-time large dose.8Please don't risk it.
21. Avoid Carbs
Eating foods high in carbohydrates floods your system with too much glucose and triggers a biochemical response that forces the body to burn glucose instead of stored body fats.9When you're looking to pass yourdrug test, you want your body to burn fats because that's whereTHCmetabolites are stored. In order for the body to do that, there has to be no excess of glucose, meaning you have to watch your carb intake.
22. Add Bleach to the Sample
Before going for your urine test, you might want to experiment with different brands of bleach first. Some will leave residue, some will foam. You also need to know how much to add, from 6-10 drops of liquid bleach.10Invest in ahome drug test kit for urineto get it right. After you have "mastered" the right mix, all you have to do is figure out how to smuggle your bleach into the collection site on the day of the test.
23. The Whizzinator
This is a fake penis which attaches to the body via straps. Aurine bagis placed behind the pad as it rests against your skin, helping to keep the urine at body temperature. You will go into the collection site wearing this contraption. It is unlikely that lab personnel will require you to completely strip even for an observed collection, so you should be able to manage getting the contents of your "bladder" out thru your "penis" into the collection cup. Good luck!
24. Broccoli, Spinach and Other Greens
Broccoli and spinach are powerful antioxidants. Like most vegetables they also have a low calorie profile and are rich in niacin (vitamin B3). They help speed up the natural elimination of THC from your system. Niacin is a principal ingredient in manyTHC detoxdrinks.11
Applying Vaseline to your genitals before collecting urine for a drug test will not help you pass. The labs will still be looking for drug metabolites and they will still find them. The Vaseline you have applied will in no way mask the traces of drugs. All it will do possibly is to cause an irritation or worse an infection.
These are great fordetoxification, more so than the juice version. They will not have a direct positive effect on your urine drug testbut will surely help in the cleansing process.
To aid in the expulsion of toxins through urine, you can choose to takediuretic pillsor load your diet withnatural diuretic foodsand drinks. Read up on the side effects of taking diuretic pills before choosing that option.
This 1-step super cleanser is a very powerfulherbal detoxdrink. It is easy to use and is specifically designed to address high toxin levels for people who need to get clean ASAP, as in the very same day. It promises not to cause any harm, actually helping to restore the body's natural balance by supporting all cleansing organs like the heart, kidneys and liver. Frequent urination will result. You will have to avoid vitamins, OTC drugs, alcohol, acidic juices, coffee, nicotine and other toxin sources prior to drinking this product.
It is a medicinal herb that has anti-inflammatory, antibiotic and astringent properties that is used by American Indians for a host of medical conditions like respiratory infections, digestive tract infections, urinary tract infections, dyspepsia, whooping cough, liver disease, diarrhea, pneumonia etc. It is without a doubt a wonder-herb, but adrug detoxit is not. Some have called the goldensealdrug detoxhype as the urban legend that simply would not die.12
31. High Fiber Diet
A high fiber diet works in much the same way asHerbal CleanorSure Jell Pectin albeit in a more natural time frame biologically. It redirects fat soluble metabolites like THC to the colon instead of the bladder13reducing the chances of collecting THC-laced urine for adrug test.
Lecithin breaks down stored fat that they may be dispersed into the blood stream. This helps clean the lipids of metabolites likeTHC.This THC-rich blood gets cleaned by the kidneys which then push THC-rich urine down the bladder and out of the body. There commendation is to take lecithin on the days leading up to the urine test for a continuous cleansing, but to stop at least 24 hours before the actual test so that there should be very little THC in the urine.14The catch however is that lecithin taken orally gets broken down too much by digestion that it may prove useless.
33. Condom Urine Bag
This one is for "Masters of Substitution", both male and female. Donors have been known to fill a condom with clean urine and tape it to their genitals or near the groin, to be pierced and deposited into collection cups.15
34. Pee Bag in Your Bra
When planning to conceal or smuggle-insynthetic urinefor a drug test, one thing to figure out is how to keep the specimen warm. It has to be body temperature when handed over to the lab technician. Women have been known to strap aurine bagto their inner thigh close to their crotch, against the armpit or under the bra. Needless to say, all these concealment methods will be tricky to execute if the collection is to be observed.
35. Substitute Apple Juice
When you hand over your "urine sample" to the lab guy and he drinks it straight up while looking you straight in the eye, you know you're busted, right?
36. Tape Urine Bag to Thigh
Sample collectors are never willing to ask donors to lift their pant leg or to expose themselves in any other way just to check for concealedadulterants, so unless it is an observed-collectionDOT drug test, you just might get away with it.
37. Hydrogen Peroxide
Forhydrogen peroxideto work as an additive to your urine sample, it has to be industrial grade. It will destroy 50% ofTHCmetabolites. Household strength products are useless for this purpose.16
This is a commercial additive that produces afalse negativetest. It is however not recommended as it drives the pH of the sample outside physiological levels17, aside from turning your sample a very obvious blue.
This acts in a similar fashion to Drano by rendering the test negative and driving pH outside acceptable levels. The ammonia odor is also rather strong to be masked.
A few drops of blood can provide a false positive or ruin the sample. Though this would not give a chance of a pass it could buy you more time to get clean.
41. Lemon Juice
No chance here either so don't waste a perfectly good lemon.
Soap does result to a negative test. It also turns the sample cloudy, but hey, there are a number of very valid medical conditions that causecloudy urine, like UTIs, STDs, vaginal discharge, dehydration and certain autoimmune disorders18. Just pick the less embarrassing one when explaining the cloudiness away.
43. Sodium Nitrate
This is a kind of salt that is added to cured meats as a preservative. It is not established how much sodium nitrate is safe for human consumption.Sodium nitratewill turn your urine test negative but it doesn't dissolve well and therefore will be quite obvious.19
44. Ordinary Salt
Salt can turn a urine test negative but it also causes its density to be outside normal range. It also leaves a very obvious residue at the bottom of the collection cup.
WD stands for "water displacement", a rust-prevention solvent and degreaser that was developed for the aerospace industry. It took its developer Norm Larsen 40 tries to finally succeed, hence WD-40. It has been used for the most unusual circumstances like when a bus driver in Asia removed a python that coiled itself under his bus and when police officers used it to remove a naked burglar who got stuck inside an air conditioning vent.20WD-40 may have done amazing things, but it will NOT make youpass a drug test.
This is an enzyme from the papaya fruit, widely popular as an active ingredient in skin whitening soaps and other products in Asia. Studies are INCONCLUSIVE as to its effectivity in passing a drug test.
Urine samples do not foam when Visine is added which in itself is a dead give-away. While it causes afalse negativefor the EMIT, other labs maintain that it doesn't work.
48. 5 Hour Energy Bottle
This tiny bottle is small enough to conceal underneath clothing quite comfortably but big enough for about 60ml of urine. You may tape it onto your inner thigh or crotch. Your own body heat should keep the urine inside warm enough to pass the temperature test.
49. The Stuff Detox
This product contains creatine and vitamin B12, and claims to be effective in flushing toxins out. It is effective for about 5 hours, plenty of time to get in and out of the collection site. There are mixed reviews on the net, with some arguing that those who failed didn't follow instructions properly. You may want to do your own test at home first.
50. Frozen Urine
It is perfectly fine to use frozen urine provided it's a clean sample to begin with. The tricky part is getting the temperature right, but if others have managed it, why can't you?
Pyridinium Chlorochromate is a commonadulterantsold under the name UrineLuck. They test for this substance so don't bother using it.
52. Tea Detox
Ranked right alongside coffee and cranberry juice, tea is considered a diuretic that promotes urination to help rid the body of toxins. It is an antioxidant that boosts metabolism and burns excess fat.21However, there are no definitive accounts that indicate whether it works directly (if at all) towardspassing a urine drug test.
This is a popular toxin-cleansing mouthwash that first came out in 2005. It leaves no residues and is therefore not detected in the saliva test. You should not eat or drink anything after using it up until yoursaliva testis finished.
54. Hydrogen Peroxide
After brushing your teeth, gums and the inside of your cheeks with regular toothpaste, rinse/gargle withhydrogen peroxidefor as long as you can manage it (it doesn't taste that great). You may repeat if you wish. Do all this at least an hour before going in to get your mouth swabbed. Many people swear by hydrogen peroxide for passing asaliva testfor THC.
55. Hold Extra Liquid In Your Mouth
Try it. Just sit there doing nothing for a little bit. Consciously allow your saliva to pool in your mouth. That extra amount of liquid will help soak thesaliva testswab faster without you having to scrape against your gums or inner cheeks harder.
56. Keep a Penny In Your Mouth
No, the penny will not make you pass the test. The idea is that if you have something in your mouth, it will trigger saliva production resulting in a diluted sample. It can be a little tricky especially if the collector asks to inspect your mouth. By the way, you might want to sterilize that penny first.
57. Hold Swab Away From Glands
See if you can get away with simply holding it between your teeth to keep it from touching your salivary glands directly. You may not get an outright negative result but it's better than a definite positive.
58. Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself
Instant saliva testscan give you your results in minutes and are easy to use. You can even practice where you plan on putting the swab if you have any tricks up your sleeve.
59. Coat the Inside of Your Mouth with Vaseline
The idea is to keep saliva from coating the test swab when you put it in your mouth. Apparently, it has no taste so you should not find it too unpleasant. However, there are no studies that will prove whether it can help you pass yoursaliva testor not.
60. Induce Vomiting
That mixture of stomach acid and whatever you had for lunch will definitely disrupt the test, but you won't look very innocent trying to gag yourself with the collection swab. Good luck finding an excuse for that.
61. Chew Gum
Any chewing motion will actually help trigger saliva production, but you would look funny doing that while sitting around waiting for yoursaliva test, so bring something real to chew on.
62. Bite Your Tongue
Much like with urine testing blood can ruin the sample or even cause a false positive. This won't help you pass but could buy you time if you're super close to being clean.
This saliva neutralizing gum promises to work within 30 seconds clearing your saliva of all toxins, and to stay effective for up to 30 minutes. Allow liquid to spread in the mouth for entire 30 seconds that you are chewing on the gum. DO NOT SWALLOW!
64. Chew Ice
Now this is a refreshing way to keep your mouth wet and to dilute your saliva. It helps reduce the concentration of drug metabolites in your sample, hopefully enough to be below detectable levels.
65. Altoid Mints
This is believed to work much like chewing gum or ice. It stimulates saliva production so that the sample you produce for the test is diluted. There are no guarantees.22
66. Fatty Foods
An hour before yoursaliva test, eat something fatty or greasy. Fats will help hasten the absorption of drug metabolites, lowering their concentration in your mouth.23Yes, McDonald's might help you pass a drug test.
67. Drink or Gargle Vinegar
Vinegar is believed to change the pH or acidity level in the mouth24such that it may successfully throw off a saliva drug test, but apart from all the personal accounts attesting to the same, there is no evidence that drinking or gargling with vinegar will help you pass asaliva drug test.25
You met someone on your way to the collection site. You couldn't help yourself. That person most definitely transferreddrug metabolitesto your mouth.
69. You are Suffering from Tetanus
Your jaws are locked shut and you cannot open your mouth to collect saliva. You are explaining all these via sign language. If the lab person calls 911 in an effort to save your life, play along.
Blood Drug Testing
70. Fake Blood
Look up fake blood recipes on the net, make your own and send that in for your blood test. You know it won't work, but you do it anyway because you're squeamish and cannot stand the look and smell of your own blood. Besides, it just might earn you enough time todetoxenough to go for a real test.
Claim to be an upcoming boxing star. Do a Manny Pacquiao and say you cannot possibly have your blood drawn 30 days before AND up to 30 days after a fight. Of course this is stretching it a tiny bit but if you can get Freddie Roach to back your claim then you're scot-free. Now use your 60 days to get clean!
72. Starve Yourself
Body builders begin staying off carbs about a week before going on stage for competition. Within 5 days they are looking small and flat. By day 6, they begin eating carbs again but slowly dehydrate as well. By doing this they are depleting the muscle cells of glycogen so that when they start carb loading again just before the competition, the cells begin to fill out by soaking in all the glycogen. And because they are also dehydrated they will pull water from wherever they can get it, subcutaneous water included. By taking water from the skin, it will appear tight and the veins will pop out.26All you really need to take away from this is that you can make your veins "shrink" so they are harder to find for your blood test, and then you can make them pop back out afterwards.
73. Claim to Have Typanophobia
An extreme fear of needles, everyone has it a little, and if you can get a collector to feel sorry for you maybe they will schedule you for a different kind of test. The key is tears, lots of tears.
Hair detox shampoo products are specifically designed to penetrate deeply into hair strands to remove all traces of accumulated chemical deposits including drug metabolites.
75. Send Fake Hair
Remember those terrible extensions you bought on a whim? Well, they can finally be put to use. Just hope that the lab doesn't test it because it won't work.
76. Time for a Shave
Nobody can hair test you if there is no hair to test. Just remember that body hair is able to be tested too, so you better get busy shaving.
77. Get Yourself Infected with Head Lice
Remember your nephew's kindergarten class that got infested? See if you can track that down on short notice; or don't, you know because lice is gross.
78. Wear a Wig
You will be amazed at the quality of wigs these days. Choose human hair wigs, of course. The cheapest will only set you back around $100 and if you fail the test (which you most certainly will), then at least you can have a different look for a while.
79. Animal Hair
Visit a pet grooming salon and offer to dispose of all the dog hairs. Say you are donating the hair to the United Nations for their efforts to clean up oil spills. Of course you have no idea what the lab will make of your hair sample, but you can worry about that later. For now you have to rest your brain cells as you are positively exhausted from coming up with this brilliant idea.
80. Hair Treatment
There are so many hair treatments available these days. Treatments to keep the frizz out, to help your hair hang straight down your back, to give that wonderful shine etc. All these procedures require the use of various chemicals, chemicals that can very well throw off the drug tests and quite possibly help you pass.
81. Hair Test Yourself
There are not instant hair tests, but if you have more than a week to prepare it may be good to get a set of expectations.HairConfirm walks you through the process and allows you to lab test yourself. You may have nothing to fear.
There are many accounts of how they successfully passed theirhair drug testsafter usinghair relaxers, at the same time warning others how it can fry your hair if you overdo it. It is up to you to weigh your options, fried hair or failed test? Fried hair or failed test? Hmmn.. Remember you still have that wig from #78?
84.Baking Soda Home Remedy
If you search diligently enough, you will find baking soda recipes to use on your hair in preparation for a drug test. Those who used them swear by their effectivity. Check that the other ingredients are regular household items and harmless enough for your use.
There are many products that claim to be able to rid traces of drugs from your fingernails and/or toenails. They promise passing results and even offer100% Money Back Guarantee. That's good to know. If you fail the test you can at least get your money back.
It is claimed that the acids help break down the drug metabolite deposits in your fingernails that if you do it enough times before your nail drug test, most if not all traces of said metabolites will have been reduced to such minuscule amounts that they won't show up in your test. It sounds like it makes sense but without any actual scientific back-up, you cannot be sure it will help at all other than giving you fabulous, fungus-free fingernails.
87. Clench Fists and Claim to Have Severe Arthritis
Surely if you are in pain, the sample collector will not force your fingers open? Perhaps they will feel sorry for you that they will offer a urine test instead?
88. Wear Clear Nail Polish
Try to remove the shine a bit to make it less obvious. They will ask you to clip your nails yourself and to gently shave off the surface. The chemicals in the polish will surely affect the results.
89. Spray Chemicals on Nails
They will ask you to wash your hands before clipping your nails in front of them, so some of what you sprayed on will probably be rinsed off. If you get away with not washing beforehand, they will most assuredly find what they're looking for but hopefully, the results will be messed up enough to be inconclusive.
All Drug Tests
90. Don't Use Drugs
Well, if you're already on the verge of an anxiety attack over an upcoming drug test, it is probably too late to even consider this now, so - move on to the next and see how you fare.
91. Natural Detox
This will only work if you have time on your hands. Check out the averagedrug detectiontimes for different substances and see if you have enough time to sufficiently flush out all traces of the drug from your system. Trynatural ways to detox your body. You might discover that you actually like taking care of yourself. Make it a habit, and then you wouldn't have to worry about another drug test ever again.
92. Pray For a Mistake
What are the chances the sample collector will bungle the procedure or that the testing equipment will actually suffer a glitch? If you haven't prayed much lately, now's probably the time to do it, and do it hard. Prostrate yourself if you have to!
93. Blame the Result on a Harmless Substance
Won't it be just sweet to be able to blame a positive result on something that's totally plausible27like having taken Midol because of terrible, terrible menstrual cramps? Obviously if you're male you may have a more difficult time pulling this off, but whichever gender you may be, you will be glad for this list ofsubstances that can cause false positives on a drug test.
94. Find a Genie
If praying doesn't work, turn your great grandma's attic upside down and look for a magic lamp. That should give you 3 wishes, good for 3 drug tests at least.
95. Claim Religious Practices
TheFree Exercise Clausein the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution guarantees the right to exercise one's religious beliefs and practices.28For example, the use ofcannabisas anentheogenin many religions goes as far back as the 2nd millennium B.C.29An entheogen is a chemical substance that is used in a spiritual, shamanic or religious context.30
While all the meditative breathing may clear your mind, it may not actually help you pass thedrug test, but all the sweating might!Bikram Yogafor example has been touted as the bestdetox yoga31the world has ever known for it makes you sweat like a pig! Enough to rid your body of toxins.
The "Purif" or Purification Rundown is a (controversial)detoxification programthat purportedly rids your body of the long-term effects of drug use. This program includes 1) jogging for an hour each day in a rubberized suit, 2) chilling-out in a sauna for up to 5 hours each day for 5 weeks, 3) going on a restricted diet and 4) plying your body with vitamins and other dietary supplements.32Of course #1 and #2 just might squeeze you dry until you turn into a prune, but if you don't then you get the distinction of becoming the poster boy/girl for the saying "what doesn't kill you makes youpass a drug test".
98. Fake ID
Send someone else to take the test for you, complete with all necessary IDs. Of course you may become a victim of identity theft later on, but hey you passed your drug test this time, right?
99. You're Just a Victim
Claim that you haven't eaten in a week and someone was kind enough to give you a (bad) brownie and a (spiked) drink. You believed it was out of the goodness of their heart. Go as far as to say you may have lost your faith on humanity. If you can get a few tears to fall, all the better.
100. Create a Distraction
This is what B-movies are made of. Trip the fire alarm or pay a flash mob of gorgeous body builders to pull a Magic Mike number. In all the (drooling) confusion you just might end up passing the test. Whatever you do, NEVER EVER drop a "bomb joke". You maypass your drug testbut get arrested in the process.
101. Drop and Break the Test
If you really want to go there, no one's stopping you but you will surely end up paying for another test to replace the one you broke, out of your own pocket.
Invoke the power of this spell to nullify the effects of whatever substance you have recently taken. Bring your own blood sample and mention to the lab technician that it was extracted by Mystic Falls Phlebotomy Services, owned and operated by the Salvatore brothers. Only works if you REALLY believe!
103. You're Clean, PERIOD!
Muster the appropriate level of righteous indignation when claiming that you've never done drugs so there is absolutely no need to test.
Learn this art. or is it a science? You can will your HR person to simply not send you for the drug test or will the lab personnel into making you pass the test. Just promise that once you've mastered this skill, you will only ever use your abilities topass your drug testsand never to rob a bank or get someone to marry you. Scout's honor!
105. Have a Friend on the Inside
If you and the HR manager are as thick as thieves, then you probably have got it made. No drug tests for you any time soon. While you're at it, get to know someone who works in adrug testing laband have all your tests done there in the future.
106. Plan a Heist
Break into the lab to steal your sample Mission Impossible-style. It might be a good idea to steal quite a few more, to make it less obvious who was behind it! Cops are rather smart fellows, you know.
107. Wrong Sample
Submit aurine samplewhen you were explicitly told to send saliva or blood. Of course they can simply use the appropriate test for the sample that you sent, but then again they might not. You bought yourself some time, at least.
108. Get Your Twin to Take the Test
You might actually get away with it, especially if you have an identical twin.33Now, on the off chance that you two get caught, depending on what thedrug testwas for, you may be looking at a felony charge.
109. Follow Instructions (NOT)
At least not so strictly. For example, if you are supposed to keep the mouth swab in one spot under the tongue, go right ahead and move it around inside your mouth - against your cheeks, on your tongue, on your gums, brush your teeth with it if you like (just don't let the lab guy see you). Remember your objective is to mess with the test enough so that you get a result that's negative or at least inconclusive.
In the not so distant past, prolonged exposure tosecond-hand pot smokehas been reported to triggerpositive drug testsforTHC. While claiming so doesn't work anymore, you're welcome to try.
111. Dodge the Test
Lance Armstrong did it for years without getting caught. Even the final case against him that ended his illustrious career never had any definitive faileddrug tests.34The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) accused Armstrong of the following doping practices: EPO, blood transfusions, testosterone injections, HGH, corticosteroids and saline and plasma transfusions. He also had a team of doctors that theUSADAlikewise accused of conspiring to help him cover it all up.
112. Hack Into the Files
Get some wiz kid to hack into the lab's results database to alter your test results before they get sent out to you and reported to your employer. Pray that your wiz kid doesn't get caught, though. Kids can easily be made to sing like a canary.
Ionized alkaline water is said to have smaller molecule clusters that they are able to penetrate cells and tissues at a much faster rate. THC-COOH is also more soluble in alkaline water than in ordinary tap water. All these make flushing THC from the system much faster as well.
114.Test Yourself at Home
Ahome drug testwill give you a better idea what detox measures to take and if you have the time to take them. Who knows, maybe that brownie at that party was just REALLY good and you have nothing to worry about. Except tracking down said brownie baker and getting that recipe.
A lot of these ideas are admittedly silly if not utterly absurd, but people have been known to try more bizarre stuff in their bid to pass a drug test. While we are trying to be responsible citizens by offering ways to address this very real social problem but surely we can have a little fun doing it?
Now that you've put yourself in their shoes, you know (quite possibly) every trick in the book. Hopefully this knowledge will come in handy in your efforts to curb drug test cheating in the workplace. If you have other ideas, suggestions, violent reactions, or things employees have actually tried on you before, you are most welcome to share them.
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